"Time's fun when you're having flies."
After almost four decades of pleasing TV viewers as America’s most lovable amphibian, Kermit the Frog finally succumbed in his three year battle with necrotizing fasciitis, a disease Kermit acquired from his long time habit of eating unwashed blowflies at the Seasame Street Landfill. Friends of the green machine, as his former producers called him, were in full mourning at the news of his death.
Kermit began life as an ordinary tadpole, but growing up in proximity to an early U.S. radiation testing facility he soon acquired anthropic elements which propelled him to celebrity and, in the end, likely led to his death.
In grade school the young freak amphibian held climbing records in gym class and was considered a standout in the musical theater troupe. He briefly served as the manager for garage punk band “The Electric Mayhem” but left the group for the first of what would become many stints at the Betty Ford clinic. Trouble snowballed for Kermit as he fell into the 60’s culture of drugs and free sex and he was linked to an ongoing series of celebrity ladies including Farah Fawcett and the legendary Ann-Margaret. But it was his off again, on again affair with the ungulate charmer Miss Piggy that came to define Kermit in the eyes of Americans.
He was best known for his work with producer and organized crime boss Jim “the Muppet Master” Henson. That work would eclipse every subsequent work Kermit performed and his inability to perform beyond his own shadow led Kermit into a period of total despair. It was this despair which drove Kermit to his blowfly feasts and to his subsequent wasting at the hands of one of nature’s most malevolent diseases. Long time friend Gonzo stated in a 2005 Playboy interview that Kermit had been blowfly free for almost two months when doctors diagnosed him.
Sam Eagle called Kermit, “a great American frog.” Miss Piggy is suing the estate of Kermit the Frog for an undisclosed sum.